You shall be missed, JD.
What will we do with the silence in the house? What will we do when it's dinnertime and you're not weaving through our feet? What will we do when Luca is looking for you and you're no longer there? What will we tell her?
What will I do when I hit writer's block and need my muse to help me wade through the sludge in my brain? What will Scott do without you spooning with him at night?
You allowed me into your life and I'm thankful for that. You accepted me as your new mom, protected Luca when she was a tiny human who squirmed and cried, took care of all of us when we were sick or sad, listened when there was no one around to lend an ear. Who will follow Luca like she's the Pied Piper of Pugs when she leaves a trail of forgotten food? Who will take up all of the room on the bed? Who will hop up and down excitedly when it's time to go for a walk?
How will we heal the space in our hearts that you occupied?
You shall be missed. To indirectly quote one of my favorite movies: We will see you in the afterlife. But not yet, my friend. Not yet.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Windfall
What a crazy couple of months! After almost three years of writing, editing, rewriting, re-editing, rereading and then rewriting my book, after almost three years of obsessing, after three years of randomly dropping everything because inspiration hit, after three years of forming characters who I fell in love with, I finally can say that my book might actually hit bookshelves!
A few months ago, I sent the manuscript to an agent - he read it, but then declined the project, saying that he felt I was a strong writer but the story wasn't up his alley. I sent it to another agent, a friend of a friend, and he loved the story and has agreed to represent me and my "blood, sweat and tears". I'm so excited! I'm still a long way from being published but just taking those initial steps, and then having someone believe in you and your writing - I can't tell you how sweet that feels.
So far it has been an amazing experience for me, and the one thought that I'd never dared to entertain while I was writing this book - the one that included the actual possibility of getting published - is now closer to becoming a reality. Dare to dream!
A few months ago, I sent the manuscript to an agent - he read it, but then declined the project, saying that he felt I was a strong writer but the story wasn't up his alley. I sent it to another agent, a friend of a friend, and he loved the story and has agreed to represent me and my "blood, sweat and tears". I'm so excited! I'm still a long way from being published but just taking those initial steps, and then having someone believe in you and your writing - I can't tell you how sweet that feels.
So far it has been an amazing experience for me, and the one thought that I'd never dared to entertain while I was writing this book - the one that included the actual possibility of getting published - is now closer to becoming a reality. Dare to dream!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Happy 12-Monthaversary, LuLu
My baby! All grown up!
An update on Luca Lu: crawling like a fiend and trying to climb everything! She's absolutely, positively, ridiculously gorgeous and no, I'm not just saying that. She's clever and fun and happy.....she likes to point and clap and try to figure things out. She likes to read my magazines and her books and deconstruct things like newspapers. She eats socks and rips up napkins. She enjoys dancing, kissing her stuffed monkeys, eating cheese and crunchies and crackers....she is a fearless adventuress. She runs circles in our house (well on her hands and knees anyway) and does her own interesting version of yoga.
Somehow, my tiny tiny human became a little less tiny today. Unbelievable. Let's celebrate her awesomeness!
An update on Luca Lu: crawling like a fiend and trying to climb everything! She's absolutely, positively, ridiculously gorgeous and no, I'm not just saying that. She's clever and fun and happy.....she likes to point and clap and try to figure things out. She likes to read my magazines and her books and deconstruct things like newspapers. She eats socks and rips up napkins. She enjoys dancing, kissing her stuffed monkeys, eating cheese and crunchies and crackers....she is a fearless adventuress. She runs circles in our house (well on her hands and knees anyway) and does her own interesting version of yoga.
Somehow, my tiny tiny human became a little less tiny today. Unbelievable. Let's celebrate her awesomeness!
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Happy Eleventh Monthaversary, Luca!!!
Holy shit! One month away from a whole year of Luca! Incredible!!!!
Some pics of Luca-Lu celebrating being awesome:
Some pics of Luca-Lu celebrating being awesome:
Thursday, February 4, 2010
History Lesson
I read an old journal the other day and laughed because in retrospect, the things that seemed so important 15 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago, everything that happened in the past that made me who I am today, are funny fickle things. Yet there were things that were silly and childish, people that shouldn't have mattered but did, misunderstandings, goals made, promises kept. Facebook is a wonderful website because even though it is a network for friends, it enables you to look backward into the past and smile (or grimace). Recently, I've found some old friends who, through bad judgment and misunderstood hearsay, have been out of my life for approximately 11 years. I missed them and it was incredible to be able to talk with them and reminisce. It was incredible to be back in touch, picking up where we left off as if there were a wrinkle in time and we jumped over the wide berth without pause.
What the journal and the glimpse into my past helped me realize is that some decisions were most certainly the right ones. There are people who I'd thought were my friends - controlling, manipulative people - and I'm happy that they're out of my life. I'm happy that I've grown enough to know that my life is far, far better without them and I'm happy to understand that there are people out there that are toxic, both to themselves and those around them. I'm glad that my garden is weeded.
Here's a quick flashback at my past:
15 years ago: Living in Medford, MA. Working at a trolley company and then a hotel. I thought I was brilliant. I wore black clothes and red lipstick and brooded whenever I could. I would write in my journal daily about how I was destined to sabotage myself and everything good in my life. Somehow I managed to do neither. I wanted to be a writer.
10 years ago: Living in Cincinnati, OH and/or Covington, KY. Working at the local FOX affiliate and the Cincinnatian Hotel. I still thought I was brilliant. I would sit in the back of a dark dive bar, watching the locals and writing bad poetry that I, of course, thought was brilliant. I still kept a daily journal, but my object d'angst was one of my roommates who was a thief and a drug addict. I did not date much in Ohio, but I was OK with that. The fishing pond was a little thin on the good fishies...I was obsessed with moving west. Here, I met my best friend and veritable other half: Livia. I still wanted to be a writer. I spent most of my time with Livia, doing awesome things like engaging in shaving cream fights, body-painting her little brother and his impressionable friends, dancing aimlessly and teaching myself to cook. I began to write my first book here, because of some graffiti in a bathroom stall in a coffee shop that has sadly shut down.
5 years ago: Living in San Diego, CA. Working at the local FOX affiliate. Engaged to my now-husband Scott. I still thought I was brilliant. I didn't want to have children. I'd escaped two back-to-back roommate nightmares. I'd traveled out of country and was transformed as a result. I adopted Scott's babies: two pugs named JD and Buster. I was still working on the book that I started in Cincinnati. My best friend and other half was still Livia. I honed my cooking craft.
Present day: Living in San Diego, CA but hoping to change that. Working at the local CW affiliate. Still married to the love of my life, Scott, but now we have a beautiful daughter, Luca who is 10 months old. I still think I'm brilliant. I've traveled out of country some more with Scott. We travel well together. Buster died two years ago, but JD is still with us. He likes to poop on the carpet and I don't like that habit very much. I finished the first book and knew immediately that it was not marketable and it was not very good. My buoyant feelings of brilliance suffered a small hit. Hoisted by my own petard, I started a new book, which I am pleased to say is now finished. I'm currently researching avenues of publication and I hope that it will come to fruition. I am a master home cook. My best friend and other half is still Livia. I've found more people in my past that I am pleased to say are back in my life and my life is already richer for that. My family and I are closer than ever...they still live in Boston and during my "wearing all black and feeling broody" stage, I'd isolated myself but now, we're all hunky dory.
What will my future bring? One thing's for certain: I will still think I'm brilliant! HA!
What the journal and the glimpse into my past helped me realize is that some decisions were most certainly the right ones. There are people who I'd thought were my friends - controlling, manipulative people - and I'm happy that they're out of my life. I'm happy that I've grown enough to know that my life is far, far better without them and I'm happy to understand that there are people out there that are toxic, both to themselves and those around them. I'm glad that my garden is weeded.
Here's a quick flashback at my past:
15 years ago: Living in Medford, MA. Working at a trolley company and then a hotel. I thought I was brilliant. I wore black clothes and red lipstick and brooded whenever I could. I would write in my journal daily about how I was destined to sabotage myself and everything good in my life. Somehow I managed to do neither. I wanted to be a writer.
10 years ago: Living in Cincinnati, OH and/or Covington, KY. Working at the local FOX affiliate and the Cincinnatian Hotel. I still thought I was brilliant. I would sit in the back of a dark dive bar, watching the locals and writing bad poetry that I, of course, thought was brilliant. I still kept a daily journal, but my object d'angst was one of my roommates who was a thief and a drug addict. I did not date much in Ohio, but I was OK with that. The fishing pond was a little thin on the good fishies...I was obsessed with moving west. Here, I met my best friend and veritable other half: Livia. I still wanted to be a writer. I spent most of my time with Livia, doing awesome things like engaging in shaving cream fights, body-painting her little brother and his impressionable friends, dancing aimlessly and teaching myself to cook. I began to write my first book here, because of some graffiti in a bathroom stall in a coffee shop that has sadly shut down.
5 years ago: Living in San Diego, CA. Working at the local FOX affiliate. Engaged to my now-husband Scott. I still thought I was brilliant. I didn't want to have children. I'd escaped two back-to-back roommate nightmares. I'd traveled out of country and was transformed as a result. I adopted Scott's babies: two pugs named JD and Buster. I was still working on the book that I started in Cincinnati. My best friend and other half was still Livia. I honed my cooking craft.
Present day: Living in San Diego, CA but hoping to change that. Working at the local CW affiliate. Still married to the love of my life, Scott, but now we have a beautiful daughter, Luca who is 10 months old. I still think I'm brilliant. I've traveled out of country some more with Scott. We travel well together. Buster died two years ago, but JD is still with us. He likes to poop on the carpet and I don't like that habit very much. I finished the first book and knew immediately that it was not marketable and it was not very good. My buoyant feelings of brilliance suffered a small hit. Hoisted by my own petard, I started a new book, which I am pleased to say is now finished. I'm currently researching avenues of publication and I hope that it will come to fruition. I am a master home cook. My best friend and other half is still Livia. I've found more people in my past that I am pleased to say are back in my life and my life is already richer for that. My family and I are closer than ever...they still live in Boston and during my "wearing all black and feeling broody" stage, I'd isolated myself but now, we're all hunky dory.
What will my future bring? One thing's for certain: I will still think I'm brilliant! HA!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Land of Luca
Every day is a new day. Something new happens and if you blink, you just might miss it.
Yesterday, Lu managed to pull herself into a sitting position from a face-down, splayed out spot. It wasn't the way I've normally seen toddlers do it though...usually, they go onto all fours and then turn themselves up and awkwardly to the side and then plop down. Oh no no no. No, not Luca. She had to back herself up, plant one foot flat while the other goes out into a full sweep and then awkward falls back, hands up, palms out as if to hold her balance and simultaneously say "look at the stellar fucking move I just pulled off, Mom". Then, of course, she clapped. Yay Luca!
Some pics of her trying to get more mobile:
How the heck does this thing work?
Wheeeeee! Can I get my license now?
Damn, I'm hot!
Reading? Child's play.
Yesterday, Lu managed to pull herself into a sitting position from a face-down, splayed out spot. It wasn't the way I've normally seen toddlers do it though...usually, they go onto all fours and then turn themselves up and awkwardly to the side and then plop down. Oh no no no. No, not Luca. She had to back herself up, plant one foot flat while the other goes out into a full sweep and then awkward falls back, hands up, palms out as if to hold her balance and simultaneously say "look at the stellar fucking move I just pulled off, Mom". Then, of course, she clapped. Yay Luca!
Some pics of her trying to get more mobile:
How the heck does this thing work?
Wheeeeee! Can I get my license now?
Damn, I'm hot!
Reading? Child's play.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The Future is so Bright....Gotta Wear Shades
There is a certain beauty to knowing yourself, to understanding who you are, and knowing what you want in life. There is also a wholesome sadness there as well because sometimes life is not always about you.
Sometimes you try to be selfish but when you peek into another room, you see big, wide blue eyes staring at you and those wide owl eyes are accompanied by a gigantic toothy smile that makes your life light up. You know then that even though you want to read another chapter or watch a certain TV show or cook a fancy meal or go out with friends, everything you do from that moment forward is dedicated to more of those wide-eyed looks and those heart-wrenching grins. There is a happiness there. An absoluteness. A fulfillment that hasn't yet been fulfilled.
There is a lifetime of movies and candy, playtime and Band-Aids, laughter and weeping, hugging and tree-climbing, banter and sarcasm, high-school boyfriends and sex talks, car rides and plane travel....there is a lifetime of lessons and fun and pure awesomeness.
I look forward to the both the weirdness and the awesomeness.
Some pics of the awesomeness:
Sometimes you try to be selfish but when you peek into another room, you see big, wide blue eyes staring at you and those wide owl eyes are accompanied by a gigantic toothy smile that makes your life light up. You know then that even though you want to read another chapter or watch a certain TV show or cook a fancy meal or go out with friends, everything you do from that moment forward is dedicated to more of those wide-eyed looks and those heart-wrenching grins. There is a happiness there. An absoluteness. A fulfillment that hasn't yet been fulfilled.
There is a lifetime of movies and candy, playtime and Band-Aids, laughter and weeping, hugging and tree-climbing, banter and sarcasm, high-school boyfriends and sex talks, car rides and plane travel....there is a lifetime of lessons and fun and pure awesomeness.
I look forward to the both the weirdness and the awesomeness.
Some pics of the awesomeness:
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