Damn Friends Making Me Feel Guilty

This past weekend, Scott and I went to a get-together at Jen and Seth's. Toward the end of the evening, Seth asked me if I'd been documenting my pregnancy on my blog...and I suppose I have a little bit....but not too much. Anyway, I ended up feeling guilty that I haven't been sharing the experience that much. I sometimes forget that I'm so far away from everyone and I don't talk to family that often, so whatever I'm experiencing, especially this being my first child, has been internalized for the most part. I do attempt to include Scott in what I'm feeling but it's so hard sometimes. Anyway, long story short, after the accusation-that-wasn't-an-accusation-but-more-of-a-suggestion from Seth, I felt kind of guilty that I haven't been putting some of what I'm feeling up for you all to see. Although it was suggested that I post daily occurrences, I think that might get kind of boring, so I'll just post things on a weekly basis or something.

That being said, before anyone else asks, my next doctor's appt is next week and I have no idea when they're planning on doing, or if they're planning on doing, another sonogram. I've had three so far but I know that one is usually done around 20 weeks. That would imply that another is coming up soon but I don't have a clue as to when. I'll let you know what the doctor says.

I've had a fairly easy pregnancy as far as health goes...in the first trimester, I did have a little nausea but that was more from scents than anything. I wasn't overwhelmingly sick - in fact, I only vomited twice - but I didn't want to do much and that includes moving from the sofa. I did a whole ton of lazing around and reading and watching TV.

The second trimester has been much, much better. I haven't really been too active but I have more energy. I suppose having to pee all the time does that to a girl. I started feeling the baby move around the 17 week mark (I'm now at 21 weeks) and it has been very, very active. It moves and stretches and kicks quite a few times per day. The feeling itself was very alien for me when it first happened, and I find myself at a loss for words....I guess I always thought of a pregnancy as a ball of fat that turns itself into a baby....I never factored in that you literally feel every movement (which makes sense seeing where your uterus has nerve endings, but bygones) so I find myself marveling anytime the kid moves in the slightest.

I'm at the point right now where things are beginning to be a little uncomfortable. Getting up in the morning can be quite the task (meaning I have to roll a few times to get into a sitting position) but it's more because of the pressure that I feel in my belly than anything. I'm not HUGE....but the tummy is definitely hard and defined now. I'm sure in the next couple of weeks, I'll be enthralled at how fast it grows. What I am surprise about, however, is that my appetite hasn't changed. I mean, I thought I'd be constantly hungry, that I'd be shoving food down my gullet like I was a starving orphan, but I really just eat breakfast, lunch and dinner with a snack and a glass of milk in between. That's probably why I'm doing just fine on the approximate weight gain. I am, however, still partial to sweets which is odd for me because before the baby I was a veggie/fruit lover and now I barely even glance at a stalk of broccoli.

As most of you know, we won't be finding out the sex of the baby. After all, I need something to look forward to in the end, and it's pretty fun to watch people duke it out over what they think I'm having. A lot of people have been asking what I'm feeling it'll be and to be honest with you, my mind changes every other day. Sometimes I'm convinced it's a girl and then other times, I find myself calling it "he". Anyway, I did take one of those tests - you know, the ones that are supposed to predict the gender based on old wives tales like what foods do you crave, how fast is the heartbeat, how are you carrying the baby, etc, etc - and mine came out almost 50/50. Perhaps it's a hermaphodite? Just sayin'.

Scott's got the honor of naming the child if it's a boy and he's currently wavering between Wolfgang and Earl. I'm pushing for Wolfgang....tell me that Wolf isn't a cool, badass nickname!!!! He just likes Earl Campbell for the whole "our boy needs to have a sports figure name" phenomenon. I think that was the name of a running back. Anyway, cross your fingers for Wolfy because God only knows what he might come up with next. I name it if it's a girl and I'm currently running a top ten list. I definitely like the strange names, because let's face it I've always been a little strange, but it's hard coming up with a good list. I do like the idea of having a name that begins with Z so I'm liking the sound of Zinnia. But hey, I could take one look at the little chick and think to myself, "She totally looks like __________" (fill in the blank with a funky name).

Now my mom will be the first one to tell you that I've always been a rebellious creature. If she told me not to touch something, I had to make it a point to touch it, regardless of the fact that I might not have actually wanted to touch it. The need to disobey has always been in me and it never really dissipated. That being said, that rebellious disobedience did not disappear in my adulthood and has only heightened with the pregnancy. I can't stand being told that I cannot do things. It annoys me. And then it makes me want to do those things they told me not to do. Not saying I've hit a crack pipe or went on a tequila bender or anything, but I've kind of taken the European approach to this whole experience. The way I figure it is that women have been giving birth for thousands of years and they didn't have all of these crazy restrictions in the past. So yes, I eat soft cheese. I go in the hot tub and I don't worry about getting hypothermia or overheating. Occasionally, I'll have a little Guinness and every night, I have a bit of wine before bed. I don't play soothing music to my belly (in fact, it's usually alternative rock that me and baby rock out to). If the baby nudges me, I nudge it back. I also won't be registering for a bunch of baby stuff that I won't ever use and I will be encouraging anyone who will be buying anything for the child to try to go minimalist. In other words, don't buy expensive clothing because the kid is only going to vomit on them, poop in them and spit up on them. Not to mention, it'll grow out of it so quick :) If it's a girl, I'll be buying her leather, getting her stick-on tattoos and piercing her nose at the age of 5. No pink please.

Damn. I went on and on and on, didn't I? Sorry about that. Blame it on Seth, he made me feel guilty. Anyway, Scott wanted to take pics of me last night but I was in my pajamas and didn't feel like posting pics with dog hair coating my sweats so hopefully, I can get him to shoot a few before I change tonight after work. I'll post a blog all about my first prenatal yoga class in a couple of days....it'll probably take that long to regain feeling in some of my limbs anyway.