History Lesson

I read an old journal the other day and laughed because in retrospect, the things that seemed so important 15 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago, everything that happened in the past that made me who I am today, are funny fickle things. Yet there were things that were silly and childish, people that shouldn't have mattered but did, misunderstandings, goals made, promises kept. Facebook is a wonderful website because even though it is a network for friends, it enables you to look backward into the past and smile (or grimace). Recently, I've found some old friends who, through bad judgment and misunderstood hearsay, have been out of my life for approximately 11 years. I missed them and it was incredible to be able to talk with them and reminisce. It was incredible to be back in touch, picking up where we left off as if there were a wrinkle in time and we jumped over the wide berth without pause.

What the journal and the glimpse into my past helped me realize is that some decisions were most certainly the right ones. There are people who I'd thought were my friends - controlling, manipulative people - and I'm happy that they're out of my life. I'm happy that I've grown enough to know that my life is far, far better without them and I'm happy to understand that there are people out there that are toxic, both to themselves and those around them. I'm glad that my garden is weeded.

Here's a quick flashback at my past:

15 years ago: Living in Medford, MA. Working at a trolley company and then a hotel. I thought I was brilliant. I wore black clothes and red lipstick and brooded whenever I could. I would write in my journal daily about how I was destined to sabotage myself and everything good in my life. Somehow I managed to do neither. I wanted to be a writer.

10 years ago: Living in Cincinnati, OH and/or Covington, KY. Working at the local FOX affiliate and the Cincinnatian Hotel. I still thought I was brilliant. I would sit in the back of a dark dive bar, watching the locals and writing bad poetry that I, of course, thought was brilliant. I still kept a daily journal, but my object d'angst was one of my roommates who was a thief and a drug addict. I did not date much in Ohio, but I was OK with that. The fishing pond was a little thin on the good fishies...I was obsessed with moving west. Here, I met my best friend and veritable other half: Livia. I still wanted to be a writer. I spent most of my time with Livia, doing awesome things like engaging in shaving cream fights, body-painting her little brother and his impressionable friends, dancing aimlessly and teaching myself to cook. I began to write my first book here, because of some graffiti in a bathroom stall in a coffee shop that has sadly shut down.

5 years ago: Living in San Diego, CA. Working at the local FOX affiliate. Engaged to my now-husband Scott. I still thought I was brilliant. I didn't want to have children. I'd escaped two back-to-back roommate nightmares. I'd traveled out of country and was transformed as a result. I adopted Scott's babies: two pugs named JD and Buster. I was still working on the book that I started in Cincinnati. My best friend and other half was still Livia. I honed my cooking craft.

Present day: Living in San Diego, CA but hoping to change that. Working at the local CW affiliate. Still married to the love of my life, Scott, but now we have a beautiful daughter, Luca who is 10 months old. I still think I'm brilliant. I've traveled out of country some more with Scott. We travel well together. Buster died two years ago, but JD is still with us. He likes to poop on the carpet and I don't like that habit very much. I finished the first book and knew immediately that it was not marketable and it was not very good. My buoyant feelings of brilliance suffered a small hit. Hoisted by my own petard, I started a new book, which I am pleased to say is now finished. I'm currently researching avenues of publication and I hope that it will come to fruition. I am a master home cook. My best friend and other half is still Livia. I've found more people in my past that I am pleased to say are back in my life and my life is already richer for that. My family and I are closer than ever...they still live in Boston and during my "wearing all black and feeling broody" stage, I'd isolated myself but now, we're all hunky dory.

What will my future bring? One thing's for certain: I will still think I'm brilliant! HA!