White Wednesday, Thoughtful Thursday

Oh yeah, you read that right. White Wednesday, Thoughtful Thursday.

This Wednesday, I will be going under the knife so to speak in order to have the fetal matter removed. If I had to choose a color that would represent my feelings, it would be white. White represents purity. White represents renewal. White is an encompassing color, one that absorbs all feeling and still reflects hope. White is as clear and truthful as a mirror.

Some people might not like the honesty that the color white represents but I certainly appreciate it. So Wednesday is white. Wednesday is a day of rebirth. Wednesday is the day to say good-bye and welcome the future, the unknown.

Thursday will be a day dedicated to thoughts. A day where both Scott and I can reflect, a day where the both of us can smile and think to ourselves: we are healthy, we are happy, we are in love and we will face the future with our hands twined together.

Yep, that sounds sentimental and girly and emotional. Yep, it sounds like it is...it sounds like a memory. A sweet memory. Yet, moreso, it sounds like a very attainable future.

There's a wonderful song by Coldplay called "Fix You" that I would like to quote because in this moment, in these past few days, I've sung it over and over in my head. To Scott...a wonderful man who would give me the world if it was in his power. To my parents who have given me the essence of their world and support me fully in everything that I do and choose. To Livia and Christy who, miraculously, always know when I don't want to talk but send their comfort via omniscience. To Stacey and her family who remind me of the simplicity of love. To Jen, when toughness eluded me and she held me until I couldn't stop shaking and just recognized what I needed. To my Mom who taught me understanding. To my Dad whose perserverance and honesty lead by example more than speech. To my husband who taught me that sometimes it's OK to just give yourself to emotion no matter how uncomfortable it may be. To Cindy who can just give me Scotty-Bears forever...and ever....and ever....

Thank you everyone for your support.

Excerpt from "Fix You":

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
What could be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.