You Shall Be Missed

You shall be missed, JD.

What will we do with the silence in the house? What will we do when it's dinnertime and you're not weaving through our feet? What will we do when Luca is looking for you and you're no longer there? What will we tell her?

What will I do when I hit writer's block and need my muse to help me wade through the sludge in my brain? What will Scott do without you spooning with him at night?

You allowed me into your life and I'm thankful for that. You accepted me as your new mom, protected Luca when she was a tiny human who squirmed and cried, took care of all of us when we were sick or sad, listened when there was no one around to lend an ear. Who will follow Luca like she's the Pied Piper of Pugs when she leaves a trail of forgotten food? Who will take up all of the room on the bed? Who will hop up and down excitedly when it's time to go for a walk?

How will we heal the space in our hearts that you occupied?

You shall be missed. To indirectly quote one of my favorite movies: We will see you in the afterlife. But not yet, my friend. Not yet.

Windfall

What a crazy couple of months! After almost three years of writing, editing, rewriting, re-editing, rereading and then rewriting my book, after almost three years of obsessing, after three years of randomly dropping everything because inspiration hit, after three years of forming characters who I fell in love with, I finally can say that my book might actually hit bookshelves!

A few months ago, I sent the manuscript to an agent - he read it, but then declined the project, saying that he felt I was a strong writer but the story wasn't up his alley. I sent it to another agent, a friend of a friend, and he loved the story and has agreed to represent me and my "blood, sweat and tears". I'm so excited! I'm still a long way from being published but just taking those initial steps, and then having someone believe in you and your writing - I can't tell you how sweet that feels.

So far it has been an amazing experience for me, and the one thought that I'd never dared to entertain while I was writing this book - the one that included the actual possibility of getting published - is now closer to becoming a reality. Dare to dream!

Happy 12-Monthaversary, LuLu

My baby! All grown up!































An update on Luca Lu: crawling like a fiend and trying to climb everything! She's absolutely, positively, ridiculously gorgeous and no, I'm not just saying that. She's clever and fun and happy.....she likes to point and clap and try to figure things out. She likes to read my magazines and her books and deconstruct things like newspapers. She eats socks and rips up napkins. She enjoys dancing, kissing her stuffed monkeys, eating cheese and crunchies and crackers....she is a fearless adventuress. She runs circles in our house (well on her hands and knees anyway) and does her own interesting version of yoga.

Somehow, my tiny tiny human became a little less tiny today. Unbelievable. Let's celebrate her awesomeness!

Happy Eleventh Monthaversary, Luca!!!

Holy shit! One month away from a whole year of Luca! Incredible!!!!

Some pics of Luca-Lu celebrating being awesome:

History Lesson

I read an old journal the other day and laughed because in retrospect, the things that seemed so important 15 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago, everything that happened in the past that made me who I am today, are funny fickle things. Yet there were things that were silly and childish, people that shouldn't have mattered but did, misunderstandings, goals made, promises kept. Facebook is a wonderful website because even though it is a network for friends, it enables you to look backward into the past and smile (or grimace). Recently, I've found some old friends who, through bad judgment and misunderstood hearsay, have been out of my life for approximately 11 years. I missed them and it was incredible to be able to talk with them and reminisce. It was incredible to be back in touch, picking up where we left off as if there were a wrinkle in time and we jumped over the wide berth without pause.

What the journal and the glimpse into my past helped me realize is that some decisions were most certainly the right ones. There are people who I'd thought were my friends - controlling, manipulative people - and I'm happy that they're out of my life. I'm happy that I've grown enough to know that my life is far, far better without them and I'm happy to understand that there are people out there that are toxic, both to themselves and those around them. I'm glad that my garden is weeded.

Here's a quick flashback at my past:

15 years ago: Living in Medford, MA. Working at a trolley company and then a hotel. I thought I was brilliant. I wore black clothes and red lipstick and brooded whenever I could. I would write in my journal daily about how I was destined to sabotage myself and everything good in my life. Somehow I managed to do neither. I wanted to be a writer.

10 years ago: Living in Cincinnati, OH and/or Covington, KY. Working at the local FOX affiliate and the Cincinnatian Hotel. I still thought I was brilliant. I would sit in the back of a dark dive bar, watching the locals and writing bad poetry that I, of course, thought was brilliant. I still kept a daily journal, but my object d'angst was one of my roommates who was a thief and a drug addict. I did not date much in Ohio, but I was OK with that. The fishing pond was a little thin on the good fishies...I was obsessed with moving west. Here, I met my best friend and veritable other half: Livia. I still wanted to be a writer. I spent most of my time with Livia, doing awesome things like engaging in shaving cream fights, body-painting her little brother and his impressionable friends, dancing aimlessly and teaching myself to cook. I began to write my first book here, because of some graffiti in a bathroom stall in a coffee shop that has sadly shut down.

5 years ago: Living in San Diego, CA. Working at the local FOX affiliate. Engaged to my now-husband Scott. I still thought I was brilliant. I didn't want to have children. I'd escaped two back-to-back roommate nightmares. I'd traveled out of country and was transformed as a result. I adopted Scott's babies: two pugs named JD and Buster. I was still working on the book that I started in Cincinnati. My best friend and other half was still Livia. I honed my cooking craft.

Present day: Living in San Diego, CA but hoping to change that. Working at the local CW affiliate. Still married to the love of my life, Scott, but now we have a beautiful daughter, Luca who is 10 months old. I still think I'm brilliant. I've traveled out of country some more with Scott. We travel well together. Buster died two years ago, but JD is still with us. He likes to poop on the carpet and I don't like that habit very much. I finished the first book and knew immediately that it was not marketable and it was not very good. My buoyant feelings of brilliance suffered a small hit. Hoisted by my own petard, I started a new book, which I am pleased to say is now finished. I'm currently researching avenues of publication and I hope that it will come to fruition. I am a master home cook. My best friend and other half is still Livia. I've found more people in my past that I am pleased to say are back in my life and my life is already richer for that. My family and I are closer than ever...they still live in Boston and during my "wearing all black and feeling broody" stage, I'd isolated myself but now, we're all hunky dory.

What will my future bring? One thing's for certain: I will still think I'm brilliant! HA!

Land of Luca

Every day is a new day. Something new happens and if you blink, you just might miss it.

Yesterday, Lu managed to pull herself into a sitting position from a face-down, splayed out spot. It wasn't the way I've normally seen toddlers do it though...usually, they go onto all fours and then turn themselves up and awkwardly to the side and then plop down. Oh no no no. No, not Luca. She had to back herself up, plant one foot flat while the other goes out into a full sweep and then awkward falls back, hands up, palms out as if to hold her balance and simultaneously say "look at the stellar fucking move I just pulled off, Mom". Then, of course, she clapped. Yay Luca!

Some pics of her trying to get more mobile:


How the heck does this thing work?















Wheeeeee! Can I get my license now?

















Damn, I'm hot!















Reading? Child's play.

The Future is so Bright....Gotta Wear Shades

There is a certain beauty to knowing yourself, to understanding who you are, and knowing what you want in life. There is also a wholesome sadness there as well because sometimes life is not always about you.

Sometimes you try to be selfish but when you peek into another room, you see big, wide blue eyes staring at you and those wide owl eyes are accompanied by a gigantic toothy smile that makes your life light up. You know then that even though you want to read another chapter or watch a certain TV show or cook a fancy meal or go out with friends, everything you do from that moment forward is dedicated to more of those wide-eyed looks and those heart-wrenching grins. There is a happiness there. An absoluteness. A fulfillment that hasn't yet been fulfilled.

There is a lifetime of movies and candy, playtime and Band-Aids, laughter and weeping, hugging and tree-climbing, banter and sarcasm, high-school boyfriends and sex talks, car rides and plane travel....there is a lifetime of lessons and fun and pure awesomeness.

I look forward to the both the weirdness and the awesomeness.

Some pics of the awesomeness:

Welcome Daphne's Sister Dezi!!!!

Thank you to Stacey for providing Daphne's twin sister Dezi....Luca was having a bad teething night and Dezi arrived just in time to help cheer her up!

Some pics of Luca with her new-old teether:


























Now some random pics of Luca doing random baby things like trying to feed herself, trying to reach Daddy's phone, being the spokes-infant for Got Milk commercials, or looking damn gorgeous in the clothes that Christy and Cindy sent her for Christmas!

Happy Christmas and 9-Monthness!!!

LuLu's first Christmas was much more than we expected! We were warned by seasoned parental units that most children have no interest in their first Christmas, that they'll be more fascinated by the paper than the present, which to some extent was true, but Lu actually unwrapped her own presents (with a little tear here or there from Mum or Dad) and definitely decided early on which toys were her favorites (hail the Singing Puppet Dog from my mom and the random freaking balls I bought from Target for approximately $5). She enjoyed herself and we had fun watching her whip boxes and paper around with a fervor.

Thank you to everyone that sent boxes and boxes of stuff for Luca: Christy, Mom & Dad, Stacey and the Welchies (my newest nickname for the midgets)....they were all perfect presents and she will not only be stylin' but she will have fun with all her new gadgets. She loves that thing that lights up and plays music.

Here are some pics of Christmas, which so happens to be LuLu's 9-monthness day as well.

WANTED: Special Dragonfly Teether

Daphne the Dragonfly is seen here. Lost in Barnes and Noble. No one turned her in! In desperate search of replacement!

Thanksgiving, the Love of Family, and Holy 'Effin' Baby Meltdown!

Scott, Luca and I went to Bostonia for Thanksgiving and beyooooooond! While we were there, the following occurred:

Luca got her first fever and as a result, I got to stick a thermometer up her ass for the first time. Surprisingly, she was unaffected by this. I was slightly traumatized and then oddly proud of myself.

We had not only one Thanksgiving but TWO! My best friend, Livia, flew in the night before Thanksgiving and Scott flew in on Thanksgiving so we all got together again on the Saturday following the holiday for those that didn't get to join in on the festivities (that would be Scott).

Scott and I had our first night without our baby girl as my mom and dad took her for an overnight stay. Thank you to both of them! She had a great time! We, on the other hand, learned a valuable lesson: when engaging in adult activities, kindly ensure that the baby monitor is turned off. Otherwise, your company gets an earful. We all had smiles that night.

Babies have absolutely no consideration as to when they take a dump. Luca decided that the middle of Lansdowne Street across from Fenway Park, in the freezing rain, would be a GREAT spot. Thank you, Jillian's, for lending us your lobby for a few moments of warm "changing bum" time.

Scott learned that New England really is NOT known for Mexican cuisine, especially old-school authentic Mex. Poor thing.

Luca is quite resilient on a plane. However, when flying for 8 hours plus without any sleep, she suffered a really bad episode of the night terrors. I learned not to try to wake her up....but what else are you supposed to do when they're freaking out so bad, they're hyperventilating? Scary baby meltdown!

Here are some pics of the trip!

T Minus 5 Days and Counting.....

Whooooooooo! Almost time to leave for Bostonia, land of cold and fun! Lulu has been suffering through a cold for the last two weeks so today she visited the doctor to get clearance to fly. She's doing fine, quite healthy, with the exception of some lingering congestion. No ear infections. No issues. Even when coughing like a 90-year-old smoker and sneezing up gargantuan amounts of yellow snot, she still smiles and laughs and dances. Gotta love the resilience of children.

My little petite is now 16.2 lbs! She's sitting up fully on her own although she still can't pull herself completely upright but she's getting close. She's starting to rock down into the dog position but she hasn't figured out how to use her knees yet so I don't think crawling will be anytime soon and I'm not unhappy about that. My poor friend Sarah's son is a mover and he's flying all over the place. I'm not ready to baby-proof yet! I like putting her down and finding her flipping herself back and forth but relatively in the same spot that I left her in.

She is happier than a pig in shit to be going on a plane! Well, not really, but she's been in such good spirits lately that I can be hopeful, right? Anyway...can't wait to see all my Bostonians! Something tells me G-Ma is going to steal my Lu away from me....

Orange Ya Glad I'm Here To Make You Smile?

The Butt Vote

All right, everyone.....whose ass does she have? The Vaicius Ghetto Booty or Scott's Apple Butt?

Happy 7 Months!!!!

Yesterday, Luca officially turned 7 months old. I know, I know, such an incredible milestone! She's been keeping us busy with the way her attention span flips so quickly....I can't wait until next month when she gets to spend more time with the Bostonians!

She's been chattering up a storm, more so than usual, and has produced more sounds. Her newest is this half-grunt, half throaty growl thing....it's pretty funny. Oh, and she's currently very pleased with herself for saying "ga-ga-ga" over and over again. She's eating healthily. Yesterday, she had a squash, corn and chicken mixture that she devoured for dinner. She'll pretty much eat everything, but she doesn't like that jarred beef. I think it might be because it's so thick...oh, and it smelled like cat food. No matter though...Scott bought me a puree machine so soon she will have the delicious servings of Momma's homemade yummies. Delicious!

She's holding and playing with toys just fine. She likes to put the spoon in the mouth herself and although she can prop herself up on her arms beautifully, she has no desire to get up on her knees. I'm in no hurry for her to scoot around the house so I'm OK with it, lol. We've been teaching her to sit on her own and this past weekend, we finally got to utilize the stroller section that turns more into a chair on wheels instead of just putting the car seat in there. Brilliant!

The Newest on the Life of LuLu

The latest and greatest on Luca Lu:

She is rolling around on the floor like a pro now, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth....and there have been a few times when I thought she might just suddenly get up on all fours and take off like a shot....but she hasn't yet, lol. Which is good because the house is far from baby-proofed. She's eating her fruits and veggies with fervor. She adores peaches almost as much as carrots. And she's still ridiculously adorable. Everything she does, every situation we put her in, holds some sort of awe and wonder. She'll stare intently at things that she'd never seen and she'll laugh at her old toys or when we tickle her half to death.

I think I'm going to take her to the beach tomorrow so she can see the ocean. That trip should be loaded with bewildered gazes and open-mouthed awe. It's just so much fun to see her figure things out, or if she decides that she does like a new food after all....I'm having so much fun watching her half the time that I blink and the day is half over. I never thought that I'd find it so incredible and exciting to be shopping for new baby foods! I know, I know, I'm such a nerd. But who really cares?

Daddy and Luca at the park:














LuLu on the swing, checking out the high-flying child on the "big girl" swing:














Lu, like a little slug, attempting to maneuver her way across the bathroom floor to that bag of toys in the corner....

Well Check!

Luca Lu went to the doctor today for her 6-month well check. She's now 26 inches long and weighs a WHOPPING 15.9 pounds! She's doing well....no issues or worries.

As I'm sure most of you Facebookers know, Luca had a lovely first introduction to peas (she tries some green beans later on today)....she's also learning to feed herself a bottle of water. Very cute indeed. I'm trying to teach her "Mama" but so far, no luck. And she really loves the toys that Auntie Stacey picked out for her, especially that crinkly lion that we named Leo. She likes to eat his feet.

We miss everyone and we can't wait to see you all again in November. Here are some cute pics of Lucazilla.

In Random Celebration

Scott took this photo and I thought it was amazing. Look at that head of red hair!

Happy 6 Months, Luca!

These pics were just taken this morning and today, the little peapod is officially six months old! Soon, her life will be overwhelmed with strange items like sippie cups and pureed veggies and spoons and bowls and *GASP* fruit! She's doing great! The other day, she managed to get herself up on one knee and lunge forward. Of course, it looked awkward and silly but to me, it was the coolest freaking thing ever. I'm amazed by what amazes me.

She continues to chatter away in her nonsensical chatter, but every now and then, she'll bust out with "Da-Da" and "Duh-dee". She likes to pronounce her hard g's and she gets really excited with herself when she does it. She likes to kick me. Hard. She also enjoys chewing on everything and anything, including my hand and the rattles that hang above her on the playmat (she looks like she's bobbing for apples) and she still enjoys me reading seriously hardcore horror stories to her. We've moved from vampires to zombies. She doesn't seem to mind the walking dead at all! That's my girl!

















































And here is Scott, opening his birthday present from Luca. She made him an "I Love My Daddy" book, complete with the coolest photos ever!















Next time, we'll be posting Luca's first taste of food!!!!