The Bravery of Helen

I'm again on the verge of tears. Partly because the realization of mortality is staggering, and partly because Helen has got to be one of the strongest, most humble women I've ever met.

This morning at work was awkward for no one knew what to say, how to say it, what to do, if they could do anything. The General Sales Manager, Chuck (whom I call my surrogate dad because he does such a great job at directing me in the stead of my wonderful Daddy) put it perfectly by intimating that there is no magic words we can say, no miraculous actions we can produce, so there is no reason to feel helpless. It still doesn't take the helplessness away.

As the morning continued in silence, Chuck boldly walked in and offered his quiet and solid support to Helen. Jen and I still said nothing, not sure what to say, just trying to give her room to breathe. By early afternoon, with only again having suffered small talk, the General Manager Richard came in to see Helen and offered his support as well. Quietly, sweetly, respectfully. Richard is not very quiet so it was amazing to see him in a very tender moment.

Helen was closing up shop, leaving early at 1:00 and I finally asked her how her husband and her were doing. This question resulted in a cryfest.....Helen, Jen and I....just trying to keep it together and oddly enough, it was exactly what was needed to help lift the feeling of anxious depression. Helen was so strong, so emotional, so honest; Jen and I were so touched by the struggle that she's been fighting alongside her husband that long after she left we were still crying at our desks.

There is nothing that the chemotherapy can do and they both know that. John, after apologizing to Helen over and over again for having to leave her, came to the quick thought that he might want to continue rigorous chemo so that he can stay around a bit longer for her. Helen, who heartbreakingly uttered "I have been with this man for more than half my life", believes that he should choose to not seek anymore chemo (for it won't have any real result) and instead spend his last days living it up and travelling with her.

I can't tell you how much this has affected me, and how much reading your comments about how your past friends, going through a similar experience, has affected you.

Life, to me, is a one time deal. If I get to do it over again, I'll certainly try to outdo my first stab at it, but in my mind...this is IT. This is it. So don't you all ask me why I'm so freaking crazy sometimes, LOL.