Newest Entry of the Shopping Diaries....

Lightning would not strike a second time. This trip was bound to be horrible but I'd somehow convinced myself that if I survived Walmart, it could only get better. I think I'm going to vomit.

I enacted preemptive strike. I found a parking spot central to all the stores I needed to hit and just decided that walking five minutes in each direction was not as bad as circling a lot for thirty minutes. I hit Macy's, returning a throw that we'd bought (it was stained with dirt), and exchanged it for a bath sheet that Scott really wanted. Yes, a bath sheet. Not towel. No. A soft, ridiculously large, encompassing bath SHEET. I won't divulge how much more I owed in the transfer because Macy's doesn't have anything in their stock that I would consider economical. I bought it because my baby really wanted it, I couldn't find anything else to exchange it for and I'm just calling it a Christmas present.

I moved on, hitting the Target, which wasn't as bad. I only sidestepped a few dozen people and maybe bumped into two (none of them pregnant or small children). The line was short, and even though I completely forgot to grab gift boxes, I was unaffected in the end. Scott and I always find interesting ways to wrap our presents. I would live with the oversight.

Still leaving my car be, I left the safe zone for the bookstore. There was one last gift I needed to grab and was BEYOND excited to find that after waiting for the lights to switch (and standing next to the drunken idiots from the Mexican place as we all waited to cross who bellowed loudly and laughed about things that were entirely not funny), I finally found the one gift that I had been searching for. I snatched it, happy with my booty, and went to the front of the store where I distractedly noticed a book I'd been waiting for and didn't know had been released yet. Oh joy, right?

Until I went to get into the line. I kid you NOT: at least 75 people in line. It wrapped down the long aisle, past Psychology, past Self-Help, past "How to Hack into Computers", past Travel, past Witchery, past Non-Fiction, past Humor (the section which I spent the most of my time because the line slowed to a snail's pace), past the calendar display, past the weird, long, oddly-placed Harry Potter display that split the aisle and all the way back into Young Adult and finally into the Children's section.

I looked at my goodies. Was it worth it? I decided that I didn't want to come back, that I wouldn't come back, so this was it. I stood in the stupid line. As if sent from the heavens, the older couple in front of me started chatting with me, probably realizing instantly that I was extremely annoyed with Christmas crowds. They must've felt I was kin. Anyway, their conversation got me through the line without cussing, without sighing, without telling someone to fuck themselves. It was brilliant! I learned a valuable lesson! When possible, make friends with people in line! The time slips by so much faster!

Our conversation was based on how reading has become obsolete (which was kind of silly considering the size of the line) and how everyone should, in the wise words of Seth Marko and the anonymous person that penned the bumper sticker that is proudly displayed on someone's truck at work just READ A FUCKING BOOK.

Sigh. I loved this couple. They tag-teamed....one stayed in the line, the other ran off and continued shopping. Whoever was in the line kept me company, telling me about their grandchildren and I told them about my nieces and nephews. It actually helped me ignore the ass behind me that was talking on his cell phone rampantly.

I raise my glass and toast: Christmas shopping is almost over. To the older folk who have not only more life-knowledge than me, but far more unfailing patience. Thank you for making my hell a little bit more bearable.