Something to Look Forward To

I love it when there's something to look forward to! No, I'm not necessarily excited about my 33rd birthday (hissssss, I'm still 28, you know). So what is it, you ask yourselves? What could possibly have me so excited that my enthusiastic anticipation has reached a dizzying crescendo?

This:





In exactly 37 days, my beautiful little sister and her wonderful woman will be storming into San Diego .... this poor city has no idea what it's in for!!!! Anyway, it is definitely something to look forward to and I can't wait to see them!!!!! YAY! Whoooooppppppeeeeeeeee!!!! Can we fast-forward time?

Odds and Ends

Life is really freaking strange sometimes. I had an interesting week and seeing where for the past month nothing extremely interesting has happened, I figured I'd write about it.

My last post was about friends resurfacing from the past. It's such a wonderful thing to be found after a certain amount of years, and it's amazing to gossip, catch up, giggle, and to fall back into place as if there were a little wrinkle in time...as if you jumped from ten years ago to the present in a matter of a few minutes. As wonderful as it was to be refounding a friendship that seemed lost, someone else found me recently that gave me cause to wonder: What about those previous friends that you might not want to be in contact with again? What if there were things that happened that needed to be mended and what if the rift was too great to bridge?

Of course, someone from my past, someone that I was once good friends with, found me and made contact. I will not name this person because her identity is not important to the story but when I received a message from her, my first thought was "I don't think I want to answer." I did give myself a few hours and I thought about it....and I decided to respond but I didn't do so with blinders on. I fully understood that in order for us to be friends again, there needed to be some reconciliation for unpleasant occurrences. I also figured that my memories might be entirely different from hers. I am no longer a person to ignore things, I am no longer someone that can pretend that things in life didn't happen or that they don't need to be addressed. Life is too short to embroil oneself in strife. Needless to say, I said my piece and it seems as if we weren't meant to be friends after all.

On to more interesting, and disheartening, things that happened this week. This morning, my good friend was let go, along with a few handfuls of others, and I'll be honest....it pissed me off. Yeah, yeah, I know it's the way of the world and I know that we're all under a corporate thumb, yadda, yadda, yadda...but I don't have to like it and I won't pretend that I do. For someone like Jen, who works hard, has an incomparable work ethic, who questions everything, who is literally that "irreplaceable" employee in a world where everyone can be replaced, to lose her job just sickens me. She took it well...a consummate professional.....but the office will be a quieter, bleak little shadow of a place without her dynamic presence there.

Who the hell is going to make fun of Olympic diving with me now????

On a GOOD note...every day that passes brings my Critty and Cindy closer to their trip to San Diego and I can't freaking WAIT!!!!!!! Get out here already! I hope everyone is doing well and I'll chat with you all soon!

M&M

When I was younger, I was one of those people that wouldn't let someone too close because I was afraid that they would recognize some inner weakness and use my vulnerabilty against me. I never allowed myself to become too close to people and to be honest with you, until I met Livia, and then later Scott, I continued to put up my personal walls without fail and without a second thought. I knew that some saw through me but I didn't care. I had to protect myself at all costs.

When I was younger, my little sister and I had a conversation that I will never forget and it was probably one of the first in which I was truly honest and open; and it was the same for her. Since that day, we have never turned back. We've become sisters in the true sense, and we've protected each other and loved each other unconditionally.

After having that conversation with Christy, after meeting Livia who is someone that demands truth from me at all times no matter what it costs, I've turned into a different person from the one I was in my youth.

That being said....over the past few days I've had an amazing treat, one that no one could hope for and receive. I've lost contact with some wonderful friends in the past and I've suddenly gotten back into touch with them....they sought me out because hell, we all know that I suck at technology and I am grateful that they're better at it than I am.

First Melanie and then Marlayne. Thus the title M&M. I actually think they'd really hit it off together. Massachusetts meets Kentucky. Oh, I've got to get a front row seat to that show.

Mel...my friend from the Midwest that has got to be one of the bubbliest people I know. Hey, is bubbliest even a word?

Marlayne....my blonde, even-keeled twin who enjoyed torturing cheerleaders as much as I did....

Life is unpredictable. I'd like to say that I am the same. Sometimes, however, predictability isn't black and white; I'll be honest, I'm happy for it. The people in your life, the ones that you get and love and understand and adore...well, sometimes they go away and sometimes you wish you had them back in your life again. I've gotten that chance again.

Anyway, I wanted to say that sometimes life takes you in a different direction. Sometimes, you question things, you wonder about people, you wish you could time travel.....I'm pleased that those people that I wondered about, those people that meant something to me even if I couldn't fully show it to them were the ones that are now coming back into my life.

From karaoke to yellow tomatoes......I'm grateful. Life is really good right now.

Strength of Life

I know it's been a while since I've written but to be honest, there wasn't much to write about until now. Suddenly, life is filled with turmoil. Not for myself and Scott but again, there is a weird sequence of events that forces me to think about more serious things. First and foremost, my boss, Helen, who is recovering from breast cancer (with a good prognosis) has lost her husband. I know that some time ago, I mentioned that he was terminal.

This past Friday, her husband was transferred to a rehabilitation center after he started sinking into severe confusion. The doctor in his hospital was horrible to Helen, not explaining to her that these were his last days. The new doctor at the rehab house sat her down and informed her of exactly what was going on, preparing her for the end. The very next day he was gone.

For the past year, most of my professional life has been embroiled in the journey that this woman and her husband have embarked upon and when I say she is one of the strongest women that I know, I do not jest. She has suffered alongside her husband, supported him, undergone her own sickness and recovery....and now that she is finally on the wellness road, he passes away from her. I know that in some way, it is a relief that he went quickly, but it saddens me that in the very end, she wasn't told what she was looking at....no one had enough grace and bedside manner to simply tell her that he was looking at his last days.

Of course, this made me wonder about human nature. It made me think about my own mortality, the machinations of the world, the very cruelty of fate. I realize now that some things that I've cared about don't deserve it....and some things that I've dismissed deserve my care. I can be that little silly girl, the one with Peter Pan Syndrome, the one that doesn't ever want to take life seriously....and I wonder when life gets serious....could I give it that attention it needs? Over the past five months, while I listened for news on Helen's recovery, when I saw her come into the office in the cute little pink ballcap that covered her bald head, I wondered how I would react if a similar situation became us. I wondered if I could be as strong.

I'm not a particularly religious person. I believe that happiness is in the responsibility of oneself....I believe that you and only you have the key to the outcome of your own future. But then I look at Helen and I realize that sometimes fate throws you a curveball and you can swing and miss. I just don't want to strike out.

Life is short. What a cliche. But strength is everlasting. Helen, I know you will probably never read this but if you do, know that you have been an inspiration to many and that despite your suffering and despite this awful year, you have a gigantic circle of people (some that you know, some that you don't) that are grieving with you at this moment.

I've Been Lei'ed

More to come!

Aloha!

We're heading off to Hawaii in the morning and I couldn't be more thankful for a vacation! It's been a rough couple of months and to be honest, laying on a beach somewhere and pretending that I live a fictional life is not a horrible thing. I love travel anyway, but I usually choose a location that is going to challenge me, inspire me, incite me....

For once, I just want to be lazy. If I'm inspired...if I'm challenged....if I'm incited....all the better. However, I have no immediate plans to do anything but snorkel, helicopter, hike, eat, drink, sleep, laze around, swim, attempt to surf....

We come back early morning on the 20th. I will send pics...Scott got a new camera which means that he will be taking photographic shots of EVERYTHING.

I leave you with some words that inspired me in the sense that life is continuous, unbreaking, redundant and in need of a jolt sometimes:

"So sure are you of the endless drumming rhythm of your isolation that you are painfully slow to adjust
if only because
yours is not that genre of story
still and again, life cannot muster the stuff of movies..."
~Ani DiFranco

500

Fitting, isn't it? Fitting that Manny should hit his 500th homerun at Camden Yards versus Seth's Orioles. Too bad he didn't run around high-fiving fans. Now that would've been priceless.