Tin Women's Vengeance

There's something to be said for vengeance, especially when born, nurtured and then carried out with infinite patience by two very sinister women.

A quick backstory: a coworker, let's call him Dude, is on vacation this week. Prior to leaving, however, Dude decided to play around with myself and another girl from work (who we'll call Badass Wench) and then, true to his cocky and swaggering demeanor, was stupid enough to copy us both on his belittling emails (which detailed his taunting, almighty belief that he is MAN and he can ROAR...in short, he goaded us). I'm sure in his mind, he wondered what her or I could possibly come up with that might disrupt his pretty organized life in any way. Did I mention that Dude might be obsessive-compulsive? Organization, perfectionism and possible obsessive-compulsive disorder are key elements here.

I suppose he never dreamed that Badass Wench and I would join forces. Probably a good thought, seeing where her and I have only really passed greetings in the halls....but his mistake was copying us both on his smug emails, thus uniting us to a greater cause. This is a delightful match made in Hell.

Let's recap and then fast forward: Dude starts small duel with girls individually. Girls retaliate on their own, launching singular and disbanded attacks on Dude. Girls realize that Dude has inexplicably copied them both on emails, outlining his omnipotent status as ultimate and unbeatable male. Girls contact each other separately and join forces, becoming a conduit for rogue sinister thoughts and actions. Girls plot vengeance. Dude leaves on week-long vacation. Girls begin to unravel their ultimate plan. Girls put the grand scheme into motion. Dude is still on vacation, happily whistling to himself around Europe without a care in the world.

Now seriously, tell me that you wouldn't want to do this in your office:
















Oh yes, we're talking pens, rulers, phone, keyboard....FILES....individual papers....even the pushpins that were holding those individual papers....chair....computer....his grandpa's photos.

Go ahead. Imagine the look on Dude's face once he realizes that he cannot do ANYTHING without having to unwrap its foil casing first.

Nymphadora

I went from this:















To this:















Meet Nymphadora, my new Beetle-Bug! I originally named her after Arwen, the hot little minxie elf in Lord of the Rings, but decided that the name didn't quite fit the car. So I've since named her after a character in Harry Potter, otherwise known as Tonks, or Nymphadora. Now that name just seems appropriate.

YAY! No more clunks, no more bumpers falling off or strange noises coming from under the hood.....Gorgeous little thing, isn't she?

Damn It, I Must Talk Politics

I am a true believer that people are going to vote for who they will vote for, that attempting to change someone's mind is usually a moot point, and that we should all have the freedom to believe in and vote for a candidate that reflects our own beliefs and morals. For that reason, I've refrained from putting anything overwhelmingly political on my blog, however, the time has now come where I can ignore it no longer. For those of you that don't know, I am an Obama supporter. This doesn't mean that I am going to engage in endless debates with everyone and anyone who happens to be a McCain advocate. I respect everyone's choices and I know that people are deciding on candidates that will enact policies that affect their own lives, values, and choices.

That being said, for me personally, the introduction of Sarah Palin as the veep nominee on the McCain ticket really insulted me. I was not a Hillary follower but if I had been, I would've really been annoyed at McCain's choice of Palin, simply because it appears that she was chosen simply because she is a woman (albeit a gun-toting, anti-choice, mooseburger-chewing huntress from Alaska)....anyway, I came across the following in an email that was sent to me by a die-hard democrat and it had me laughing so hard I almost wet myself. I thought I'd share for those of you that can appreciate it. For those of you that can't, I don't care. Just try not read any further. I'd hate to offend Palin supporters :)

Let's call this the "She Has A Vagina" Monologue:

Hi Everyone,
We're still in Denver where we've participated in one of the most thrilling experiences of our lives!! Details to follow when we see, or speak with each other!

However, I have to say that when McCain announced Sarah Palin as his running mate, as a woman, I immediately knew that I had no option but to change my party affiliation! This will be the very first time that I vote Republican, but as you know, I was a Hillary supporter and now there's a female candidate for the Vice-Presidency! I mean really; here is this pretty, evangelical woman who decided not to abort her Down syndrome son and who's been Governor for almost TWO WHOLE years in one of the least populated states in the nation...who shoots moose at 3am and who graduated with a BA in journalism and a MINOR in political science from the University of Idaho, and while it is true that she has no record of public service until she started campaigning in the late 90's, when her ESPN dreams of reporting sports on TV ended abruptly, she HAS A VAGINA!

She was Mayor of a town of 7,000 (when Barack was a state senator representing 210,000 people) so she knows how to govern, and by virtue of the fact that her state is so close to Russia, she automatically has foreign policy experience! (this was actually an argument made by one of the party hacks I heard on TV) and...most importantly...SHE HAS A VAGINA!

It is true that my new candidate, John McCain, has had many bouts with melanoma, just celebrated his 72nd birthday, and looks kind of wax-like, and his choice of a vice president had to be carefully thought out, because the vice president would one 'stage 4 melanoma' away from the presidency. I know that he has said that he would choose someone with whom he felt comfortable and had a relationship, and that he's only met Sarah Palin once, but really, she HAS A VAGINA! And after all, isn't that all we women want! Just to have a candidate who has a vagina!

Yes it is true that my old party, the Democratic party, nominated a woman in 1984, and that that woman, Geraldine Ferraro, fought hard for my candidate Hillary Clinton, this time around. And yes it's true that it only took 24 years for my new party to nominate a woman...but this woman is really quite spectacular! I mean, her favorite food is mooseburger and she can shoot a sniper rifle. What a plus when you're meeting with foreign diplomats. Oh wait, I don't think she yet knows what a foreign diplomat is, but I hear she's quick study...and SHE HAS A VAGINA.

I cannot wait for Tina Fey to play her in the movie version of what I see as a great American story. Working title: 'SHE HAS A VAGINA!'

I know there's lots of work to be done, and that right at this moment Sarah is being investigated on ethic charges stemming from her firing of a government employee who refused to fire her ex-brother in law, a cop who was engaged in a nasty divorce from Sarah's sister, but didn't Barack say that we must be our brother and sister's keeper! Sarah was simply doing that; she's a good sister!

Sarah's oldest child, a son, is being deployed to Iraq (I know that Sen. Biden's son Beau, attorney general of Delaware, is also being deployed to Iraq, as a reservist, but he simply said that he 'had other responsibilities in the fall, so he couldn't be around to help out his father' and never really used the opportunity to make his very patriotic credentials known) and unlike Senator Biden, a 36 year member of the Senate and author of the most comprehensive (1994) Domestic Violence bill ever created and passed, who talks about helping women, through this bill and his foundation for women with breast cancer, Sarah Palin has gone one step farther...and done what Senator Biden has never been able to do, and will NEVER be able to do. My new candidate, Sarah Palin, doesn't just make policy helping women throughout our country; my candidate actually HAS A VAGINA! Take that Senator Biden!

So it is for this reason that I have carefully decided that as a woman, it is my first obligation to support the Republican ticket, because Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin HAS A VAGINA! Despite the fact that Sarah Palin represents EVERYTHING I despise, and EVERYTHING that I believe is the worst in America (except the part where she was first runner-up in the Miss Alaska contest...you guys know that I love a good beauty contest), I will be voting for her in November.

In the end, my new candidate, John McCain, got it right: he knew that we women were so dumb, so vapid, so 'one issue', so unconcerned about the war, foreign policy, poverty, education (by the way, my new candidate Sarah Palin, has said, and then retracted, that creationism should be taught alongside scientific theories in schools, or minimally be an option for our children in school), AIDS, gay rights, the environment (by the way, my new candidate Sarah Palin is unconvinced that global warming exists, or that humans have any part in it, if it does exist, which she feels is yet to be proven) and the rest of the issues that matter to our children and grandchildren; that all he'd have to do to get us to see the light would be to select a running mate who HAS A VAGINA!!! Kudos to the members of my new party, the Republican party. They really do know the answer to the age old question 'what do women want?' They got it right. We just want a candidate with whom we can go to the bathroom. After all is said and done...McCain knew that when push came to shove we women would have to get behind Sarah Palin as we wait for our turn to pee! The lines are usually so long and maybe that could be one of Sarah's first initiatives! More toilets for women!

I am so proud to be an American and I have no doubt that Sarah Palin will help rebuild our beloved country. John McCain must be rewarded and supported for showing such incredible respect and regard for our country by choosing a candidate with absolutely no expertise in any area (although she seems to have the lip gloss thing down), but who has lots of estrogen, because after all, isn't that what we women all wanted; a candidate who HAS A VAGINA!

I am truly nauseated and sickened, but I feel a little better now that I've gotten this off my chest!
See you when we get home.
Love,
X

Something to Look Forward To

I love it when there's something to look forward to! No, I'm not necessarily excited about my 33rd birthday (hissssss, I'm still 28, you know). So what is it, you ask yourselves? What could possibly have me so excited that my enthusiastic anticipation has reached a dizzying crescendo?

This:





In exactly 37 days, my beautiful little sister and her wonderful woman will be storming into San Diego .... this poor city has no idea what it's in for!!!! Anyway, it is definitely something to look forward to and I can't wait to see them!!!!! YAY! Whoooooppppppeeeeeeeee!!!! Can we fast-forward time?

Odds and Ends

Life is really freaking strange sometimes. I had an interesting week and seeing where for the past month nothing extremely interesting has happened, I figured I'd write about it.

My last post was about friends resurfacing from the past. It's such a wonderful thing to be found after a certain amount of years, and it's amazing to gossip, catch up, giggle, and to fall back into place as if there were a little wrinkle in time...as if you jumped from ten years ago to the present in a matter of a few minutes. As wonderful as it was to be refounding a friendship that seemed lost, someone else found me recently that gave me cause to wonder: What about those previous friends that you might not want to be in contact with again? What if there were things that happened that needed to be mended and what if the rift was too great to bridge?

Of course, someone from my past, someone that I was once good friends with, found me and made contact. I will not name this person because her identity is not important to the story but when I received a message from her, my first thought was "I don't think I want to answer." I did give myself a few hours and I thought about it....and I decided to respond but I didn't do so with blinders on. I fully understood that in order for us to be friends again, there needed to be some reconciliation for unpleasant occurrences. I also figured that my memories might be entirely different from hers. I am no longer a person to ignore things, I am no longer someone that can pretend that things in life didn't happen or that they don't need to be addressed. Life is too short to embroil oneself in strife. Needless to say, I said my piece and it seems as if we weren't meant to be friends after all.

On to more interesting, and disheartening, things that happened this week. This morning, my good friend was let go, along with a few handfuls of others, and I'll be honest....it pissed me off. Yeah, yeah, I know it's the way of the world and I know that we're all under a corporate thumb, yadda, yadda, yadda...but I don't have to like it and I won't pretend that I do. For someone like Jen, who works hard, has an incomparable work ethic, who questions everything, who is literally that "irreplaceable" employee in a world where everyone can be replaced, to lose her job just sickens me. She took it well...a consummate professional.....but the office will be a quieter, bleak little shadow of a place without her dynamic presence there.

Who the hell is going to make fun of Olympic diving with me now????

On a GOOD note...every day that passes brings my Critty and Cindy closer to their trip to San Diego and I can't freaking WAIT!!!!!!! Get out here already! I hope everyone is doing well and I'll chat with you all soon!

M&M

When I was younger, I was one of those people that wouldn't let someone too close because I was afraid that they would recognize some inner weakness and use my vulnerabilty against me. I never allowed myself to become too close to people and to be honest with you, until I met Livia, and then later Scott, I continued to put up my personal walls without fail and without a second thought. I knew that some saw through me but I didn't care. I had to protect myself at all costs.

When I was younger, my little sister and I had a conversation that I will never forget and it was probably one of the first in which I was truly honest and open; and it was the same for her. Since that day, we have never turned back. We've become sisters in the true sense, and we've protected each other and loved each other unconditionally.

After having that conversation with Christy, after meeting Livia who is someone that demands truth from me at all times no matter what it costs, I've turned into a different person from the one I was in my youth.

That being said....over the past few days I've had an amazing treat, one that no one could hope for and receive. I've lost contact with some wonderful friends in the past and I've suddenly gotten back into touch with them....they sought me out because hell, we all know that I suck at technology and I am grateful that they're better at it than I am.

First Melanie and then Marlayne. Thus the title M&M. I actually think they'd really hit it off together. Massachusetts meets Kentucky. Oh, I've got to get a front row seat to that show.

Mel...my friend from the Midwest that has got to be one of the bubbliest people I know. Hey, is bubbliest even a word?

Marlayne....my blonde, even-keeled twin who enjoyed torturing cheerleaders as much as I did....

Life is unpredictable. I'd like to say that I am the same. Sometimes, however, predictability isn't black and white; I'll be honest, I'm happy for it. The people in your life, the ones that you get and love and understand and adore...well, sometimes they go away and sometimes you wish you had them back in your life again. I've gotten that chance again.

Anyway, I wanted to say that sometimes life takes you in a different direction. Sometimes, you question things, you wonder about people, you wish you could time travel.....I'm pleased that those people that I wondered about, those people that meant something to me even if I couldn't fully show it to them were the ones that are now coming back into my life.

From karaoke to yellow tomatoes......I'm grateful. Life is really good right now.

Strength of Life

I know it's been a while since I've written but to be honest, there wasn't much to write about until now. Suddenly, life is filled with turmoil. Not for myself and Scott but again, there is a weird sequence of events that forces me to think about more serious things. First and foremost, my boss, Helen, who is recovering from breast cancer (with a good prognosis) has lost her husband. I know that some time ago, I mentioned that he was terminal.

This past Friday, her husband was transferred to a rehabilitation center after he started sinking into severe confusion. The doctor in his hospital was horrible to Helen, not explaining to her that these were his last days. The new doctor at the rehab house sat her down and informed her of exactly what was going on, preparing her for the end. The very next day he was gone.

For the past year, most of my professional life has been embroiled in the journey that this woman and her husband have embarked upon and when I say she is one of the strongest women that I know, I do not jest. She has suffered alongside her husband, supported him, undergone her own sickness and recovery....and now that she is finally on the wellness road, he passes away from her. I know that in some way, it is a relief that he went quickly, but it saddens me that in the very end, she wasn't told what she was looking at....no one had enough grace and bedside manner to simply tell her that he was looking at his last days.

Of course, this made me wonder about human nature. It made me think about my own mortality, the machinations of the world, the very cruelty of fate. I realize now that some things that I've cared about don't deserve it....and some things that I've dismissed deserve my care. I can be that little silly girl, the one with Peter Pan Syndrome, the one that doesn't ever want to take life seriously....and I wonder when life gets serious....could I give it that attention it needs? Over the past five months, while I listened for news on Helen's recovery, when I saw her come into the office in the cute little pink ballcap that covered her bald head, I wondered how I would react if a similar situation became us. I wondered if I could be as strong.

I'm not a particularly religious person. I believe that happiness is in the responsibility of oneself....I believe that you and only you have the key to the outcome of your own future. But then I look at Helen and I realize that sometimes fate throws you a curveball and you can swing and miss. I just don't want to strike out.

Life is short. What a cliche. But strength is everlasting. Helen, I know you will probably never read this but if you do, know that you have been an inspiration to many and that despite your suffering and despite this awful year, you have a gigantic circle of people (some that you know, some that you don't) that are grieving with you at this moment.